{Current Mood: Saucy}
So,
I said I would try to give you all a mock draft yesterday. Consider that goal a success, even if I'm not the person who conceived it.
For the first time in the history of Pond Scum Sports, we bring you content from a close friend of the blog: Mr. Andrew Lamberti.
Anyone questioning what credentials he may have can be assured that he knows his shit as he is a former producer of Monmouth University's sports television show "The Extra Point" along with myself and The Joan.
He also spent a good portion of his time at Monmouth watching the coaching film of our football team. This is a guy who knows football and has spent more time watching it at college than most reasonable people do in their lifetimes.
I'd be remiss not to mention that we were two grades behind Miles Austin so Andrew got to see more of Austin's college film than most people probably even knew he had in the databases.
The analysis is short, sweet, and to the point. And while I obviously won't agree with all of the selections, I do like the fact that there is some reasonably argued shock value picks in here (especially with the Dallas selection).
So, without further ado, I present the Citizens of The Pond with PSS's official mock draft courtesy of Sir Andrew of Lamberti Place.
Oh, and as I'm proofreading this shit for errors, I may throw in some analytical nuggets, just to be silly.
So let's go.
<Andrew gets a font called "Palatino," because I said so>
2013 NFL Mock Draft – No Trades
KC – Luke Joeckel. You don't want to mess up with the #1 pick. Joeckel is safe, effective and is an instant starter. Becomes even more valuable when Branden Albert leaves (he's currently franchised, and the team is trying to trade him to MIA). And anything that helps Jammal Charles gain yards is a plus.
<Ray's take: Safe pick, but the most likely. I was only half serious about mocking Geno Smith here at #1 overall. I do, however, feel two things: 1) Teams like Geno a lot more than they're letting on. 2) He will be drafted by a team that makes sense for him to get picked by, but one that none of us saw coming. And no, I won't be doing these after every pick. That would get annoying really quick>
JAX – Dion Jordan. I don't like OLB's that are only blitzers, but Jordan is not only exceptional in pressuring the passer, he holds up well in coverage with a very long wingspan. He could have 10 sacks, 5 INT's, or both.
OAK – Star Lotulelei. Massive yet nimble, He upgrades an awful defensive line against the run and will provide a solid push on third down. He used to be thought of as a top 5 guy before the medical evaluation, so why would that change now?
PHI – Eric Fisher. The O-line is a mess, even if Jason Peters comes back at full strength. And I won't bet on a 300+ lb man recovering from a torn Achilles tendon quickly. Fisher automatically starts on Opening day and has the athleticism to thrive in the Chip Kelly offensive system.
DET – Lane Johnson. It's too high but Stafford needs protection. I would rather see them sign Tyson Clabo or Eric Winston in free agency and go defense here, but as of now those two men are at home waiting for a phone call. Johnson starts at OT from minute one.
CLE – Sharrif Floyd. You play the Ravens and Pittsburgh twice each, you better be able to stop the run. Floyd enhances that and will allow newly signed Paul Kruger to see some single blocks. And Joe Haden is anchoring the back end. This defense could surprise some folks.
ARI - Ryan Nassib. The QB situation is hilariously bad in the desert and Larry Fitzgerald is wasting away. Nassib has the cannon arm and showed touch and accuracy in his senior year. Fun fact: Bobbie Massie didn't surrender a sack after week eight.
<Ray's take: I'm not as high on Nassib as most. Although, with the uncertainty surrounding Geno and the fact that his old college coach is now the head coach in Buffalo, he could very well be the first QB drafted this year. Personally I think that if Arizona goes QB here, they may be more inclined to take Matt Barkley to groom behind fellow USC alum Carson Palmer. Barkley may not have the arm strength to get Fitzy the ball deep but, if Arizona drafts him, he won't need to worry about that unless Palmer gets hurt or has just completely lost it. Even if Barkley is thrust into action earlier than expected, I see Bruce Arians finding ways for Fitzy to get fed the ball that doesn't require Fitzy going deep all the time for Barkley to flutter passes to the turf behind him. I expect to see Fitzy working a lot more from the slot this year than he has in the past, which bodes well for someone like Barkley. All of this brings me to crazy prediction #1: Matt Barkley will be the first QB drafted at #7 by Arizona>
BUF – Chance Warmack. He's massive, he destroys people in the run game, and the Bills just lost their best lineman to the Titans in free agency. Warmack might be better than Andy Levitre anyway. No one has been able to throw in Buffalo since Jim Kelly left, so stop trying and start bulldozing opponents with Fred Jackson and CJ Spiller.
<Ray's take: PREACH! Actually, first I need you to remove Fred Jackson from that last sentence for fantasy purposes. Then you can commence with the preaching>
NYJ – Zeke Ansah. Phenomenal pass rusher, and that alone will get him on the field for Rex Ryan. 6-5 and 270 pounds allow him to also hold up against the run. He really reminds me of Jason Pierre-Paul as a rookie.
<Ray's take: Feasible being that the Jets want to be like the Giants and draft the guy everyone is calling the next JPP. But I think they go a different direction here. I saw Tavon Austin mocked to this spot a while back and it's the type of move that the Jets love to make. But if the Jets really want to grab headlines, which they do because they're the Jets, they will read my second crazy prediction and draft Cordarrelle Patterson at #9. Why? Because he's the most polarizing WR prospect in this year's draft and, big surprise, the one that's going to get the most people talking>
TEN – Jonathan Cooper. The Titans continue to fortify the O-line to revive CJ2K <Editor's note: CJ0.0002K>. Cooper and Levitre should be able to keep the inside pressure away from Jake Locker and allow management to see what Locker can really do.
SDC – Jarvis Jones. I will say upfront that I doubt the Chargers actually pick here; a trade is more likely. Having said that, all 5 elite O-lineman are gone in this mock draft and Jones can replace the production of Shaun Phillips.
<Ray's take: I don't see this happening if for the only reason that management in San Diego is not NEARLY smart enough to draft him. I know they're under new management but I'm going off of what I know until proven otherwise>
MIA – Keenan Allen. I like the thought of giving Tannenhill a big athletic target to show off his arm, and Brian Hartline in the slot should keep opponents from using safety help too often on Allen. I like this pick even more if the Dolphins actually get Branden Albert from the Chiefs.
NYJ – Tyler Eifert. Eifert has the ability to be an effective in-line blocker and is athletic enough to be split out. Mark Sanchez’s favorite target last year was Dustin Keller but isn’t with the team anymore, and Santonio Holmes is coming off a major injury. Sanchez is toast without targets.
<Ray's take: The Jets trading Revis certainly opens up the option for them to draft Tyler Eifert at #13. I also feel like: A) This is way too high for Eifert, not that this would stop the Jets from taking him here. B) What WOULD stop the Jets from taking him here would be Dee Milliner falling to this spot. Even if he doesn't make it past the top 10, the Jets need to replace the production from arguably the best corner in all of football and could trade down if they decide they like someone like Xavier Rhodes. Either way, I don't think the Jets can afford to NOT take a CB with one of their two first round picks. But, as we know, it's the Jets and they're dumb so anything can happen>
CAR – Tavon Austin. This one’s easy: Austin is Steve Smith’s replacement. Cam Newton will never progress as a passer without targets.
NO – Barkevious Mingo. With the Saints transitioning to a 3-4 and having exactly no one on the roster fit for it, Mingo gives them the pressure DE/OLB they desperately need. This defense will still suck, just not as much.
STL – Alec Ogletree. He’s fast, long, and fast. Fast is important when your OLB’s have to run down Russell Wilson and Colin Kaepernick twice a year each. There are a few off-field red flags, but that is what coaching is about, and Jeff Fisher will get the best out of Ogletree.
PIT – Dee Millner. Top CB in the draft falls because he’s primarily a press cover guy with some backpedal technique issues. But he is still very good and a solid tackler too. Could very well go to DET if they sign a FA tackle.
<Ray's take: Wouldn't surprise me because the Steelers are one of these teams that always pounce on the best prospects that wind up falling because other retard GM's start early first round runs on second-round QB's for no reason. Although I don't see Milliner getting past Tennessee at #10. And that's if he makes it past Detroit at #5. But he certainly won't get past the Steelers if the other GM's are that st00pid>
DAL – Geno Smith. I’m convinced that Tony Romo is holding this team back. Don’t blame the D: Ratliff and Ware are still productive up front and Carr/Clairborn anchor the DB’s. A Solid run game, two All-Pro WR’s and future HOF TE Jason Witten on offense and this team was league average in scoring the past two years? Romo is the problem and Geno is the solution.
<Ray's take: A shock value pick that is actually pretty feasible. Who cares that Sir Jonesy of JerryWorld just gave Romo a butt ton of money? If Geno is hanging around at this spot, it wouldn't surprise me to see Jonesy pull the trigger here>
NYG – D.J. Fluker. The Giants offensive lineman are collectively old and achy. Fluker can play either guard or RT, and keeping Eli clean is paramount for success; he is the franchise at this point.
<Ray's take: I can see the Gee Men going a number of different directions. The only reason I hope they don't take Fluker is so that they can get Barrett Jones later. I love his versatility and the fact that he has experience at every O-line position. Although Fluker wouldn't be a bad choice by any means. Neither would Bjoern Werner or Margus Hunt to replace Osi. Just sayin :P>
CHI – Sheldon Richardson. Richardson can combine with Henry Melton and Julius Peppers to form a monster D line. Lance Briggs and DJ Williams should continue to thrive.
CIN – Kenny Vaccaro. Like Millner, the top player at his position falls far. Taylor Mays was so bad he got benched last year, and Cincy’s LB’s are a bit slower than average. Vaccaro has the cover skills to generate turnovers and the speed to come up in run support.
STL – Cordarrelle Patterson. Huge and explosive, He’s the target that Sam Bradford desperately needs, and needs now. Without Steven Jackson, the Rams offense is operating without a safety net this year.
MIN – Johnathan Hankins. At 6’3” and 325 pounds, Hankins is a tremendously large human being. He immediately strengthens the Vikings defense and can learn from Kevin Williams.
IND – Eddy Lacy. For the first time since Edgerrin James was in town, the Colts have a bona fide featured RB. Allows Chuck Pagano to call something other than “throw it to Reggie Wayne." Play action passes will actually be effective.
<Ray's take: Another one that not a lot of peeps would see coming. I like. Definitely makes sense from the standpoint that the Colts are going to very likely try to take some of the pressure off of Luck by leaning more on the run game next season. That being said, I can't fully get behind this pick for two reasons: 1) I don't think Lacy falls this far. If Milliner doesn't make it to the Steelers' pick at #17, I fully expect the Steelers to pounce on Lacy. 2) I'm still a huge fan of Vick Ballard and feel that he will be more than serviceable next season if given the chance to shoulder the load>
MIN – Bjoern Werner. Like their other pick, Werner can learn from the star player in front of him. This time it’s Jared Allen. Very productive sacking Qb’s at Florida State and able to hold his own against running plays.
GB – Justin Pugh. He played OT at Syracuse, but has the ability to play guard as well. The Pack may try to offset the loss of Jennings by increasing their ability to run effectively. Pugh does that. And Marshall Newhouse sucks.
HOU – Kevin Minter. A no-nonsense ILB from LSU, he rang up 130 tackles last year. He can start now if Brian Cushing takes longer to recover from the torn ACL, and play besides him once ready.
DEN – Xavier Rhodes. Denver needs someone who can cover besides Champ Bailey, who is an android <Editor's Note: Perhaps this explains why his head is so humongous>. Rhodes lets Denver play more true man to man defense and be more aggressive getting into the opponents backfield.
NE – Matt Elam. Yes he’s short. That’s really the only downside to Elam, who also possesses enough speed and hops to be a quality defender. Bill Belichick will love his attitude and intelligence and put him positions to be successful.
ATL – Zack Ertz. Tony Gonzales is retiring after this year. Better have someone on deck to fill those shoes. Ertz was better than Coby Fleener was in his last year at Stanford, and Fleener went 33rd overall.
SF –Margus Hunt. He’s 6’8” and 275 lbs with a 4.6 dash. Jim Harbaugh should be able to turn the former track and field star into Justin Smith’s successor and a stud DE for years to come. I actually like him a ton more than this slot shows, but I believe some teams will not to invest in someone who needs as much development as Hunt, who is still learning the game.
BAL – Eric Reid. With Ed Reed and Bernard Pollard both gone, the Ravens need help at safety. Reid is hyper athletic and can do it all, but aggressiveness has led him to miss tackles and get beat on play action. Solid coaching should solve those problems.
**IN CONCLUSIONISM**
Very solid analysis. Some common sense picks mixed in with some shock value picks. Of course, there will probably be a zillion trades to screw all of this up but still some solid analysis nonetheless.
In a few hours we'll find out wrong all of our ideas and opinions actually wound up being and then, a few days after that, we can all have a good laugh about it.
#KThanksBye
-Ray Ray Marz-
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