“Unbelievable” He said as he
stared at the computer screen in disbelief. “I don’t get it.”
This wasn’t something He would be
able to blame on the fact that it happened in the only league in which he doesn’t
have 100% ownership of his team. This was a common theme throughout his time in
the BallBusters fantasy football league.
As He looked at DeMarco Murray’s
name under the “reserves” column for The Sizzlers’ Week 3 matchup against The
Canes, it brought a twinge of sadness to his heart. He had started Murray in
two other leagues and reaped the rewards of a great statistical performance.
However, the 19 points that Murray put up from his bench in this league was not among those rewards.
“Three freakin points?” He muttered
with a mixture of sadness, anger, disbelief in his voice as he looked back at his starting
lineup to see Knowshon Moreno, CJ Spiller, and the three combined points they
netted from the running back position. It was almost as if they were laughing
at him. Taunting him for, yet again, leaving the best of his team’s production
on his bench.
“Even Danny Woodhead?” He asked
aloud with a slight chuckle as he noticed that Woody had also scored in double
digits from his bench. At least the decision to bench Arian Foster and David
Wilson didn’t come back to bite him. But this was a common theme for The
Sizzlers. No matter what combination of players they started within the
guidelines of the league’s unique triple flex player setup, their bench players
always seemed to outscore their starters.
At least He was having this
problem early in the season. And, in a league in which you’re only required to
start one running back, at least he could take solace in the depth he
accumulated at the position through the draft.
In walked Willis, having just
returned from a golf trip in Orlando with some business clients. “How’d we do
this week?” he inquired.
This is the part He dreaded most weeks. This was the part where he was going to inform Willis that they, once again, left a good amount of points on their bench. It’s
something they’ve become known for in this league.
But at least the news wasn’t all bad.
“We won again” He said with a grin. “And we got the second highest score of the
week.”
“Sweet. 3-0” said Willis as he
offered a congratulatory fist bump before disappearing around the corner. He figured, since they won, that it didn't matter whether or not Willis knew that their score of 95 could’ve been
one of triple digits.
He shook his head in disbelief. Starting
Murray over either Knowshon or Spiller would’ve netted them the weekly
high score, a feat that they’ve never accomplished in their seven years in the
league despite winning the championship in 2011. In that respect, awesome
statistical weeks from Russel Wilson and Jordan Cameron were wasted. But at
least they won.
The 3-0 start is exactly what He needed
in this league after an absolutely dismal 2012 saw The Sizzlers finish in last
place. It was the first time in nine years of playing the game that he ever
finished a season in dead last. It was also the first time in Ballbusters league
history that a team went from first to worst.
At 3-0 and with wins over all three
of the other teams in their division, you would think that He would be able to
focus on something other than the fact that he left points on his bench. Like
the fact that there’s only one other 3-0 team in this league. Or the fact that
they may have struck gold with their tenth round selection of their most likely
keeper for next year, at least at this point, Jordan Cameron.
But He’s already moved on. He’s
moved on to next week and his battle with The Lawyer and his “Mean and Angry
Man” squad.
The history between The Sizzlers
and The Lawyer dates back to 2008 and the epic bidding war. Since that point,
there’s been a little bit of a competitive rivalry there. But His desire to
beat The Lawyer isn’t fueled by any sort of revenge, at least not this time. It’s
fueled by the fact that they can’t afford to keep leaving production on their
bench if they expect to make it to the playoffs for only the second time since
they joined the league.
He knows
that the “Mean and Angry Man” was the only team that outscored him in Week 3. And he knows if that happens again in Week 4, it will lead to the first taste of defeat for
The Sizzlers in 2013.
As He was getting ready to depart
for Her house, he heard a voice from the kitchen.
“Holy shit!” The Bonecrusher
exclaimed.
“Do I wanna know?” He asked as he
made his way over to where the action was.
“I just want you to know that
this is the best name for any sort of food that I’ve ever seen in my life” said
The Bonecrusher as they both looked into the freezer.
He thought about that last
statement for a second. “I honestly don’t think I can argue that point” He
said. “This is gold.”
“I need a good Instagram caption
for this” The Bonecrusher remarked as she went to retrieve her iPhone.
He stared at the box that just
seemed to magically appear in their freezer. This was a rarity. Actual snack
type food in the house is not a situation that they take lightly.
“PB Jamwich” He said as he
grabbed one to take back to Her house to surprise her with. “I really don’t
think any other caption is necessary.”
The Bonecrusher returned with her
iPhone to document the occasion via Instagram. “PB JAMwich” she exclaimed with
excitement. “I don’t know where they came from, but I don’t care.”
“Maybe Tron left it for us” He
said.
They had just spent a little bit
of time with Tron, which always made them hungry for some reason. So it wasn’t
out of the realm of possibility that he surprised them with a gift of sorts.
“I wouldn’t have” said The
Bonecrusher. “I’d keep that shit for myself.”
“It’s for reasons like this that
we keep Tron around” He said as he made his way to his laptop in an attempt to
reverse the curse he’s been facing in the ConVicks league for quite some time.
“Definitely” said The Bonecrusher
as she grabbed a PB Jamwich from the freezer.
“And can
you send me that picture?” He asked as he logged into the league homepage. “I
think I finally found my new team name.”
<More
to come shortly>
<Photo Credit: Instagram>
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