All He could do was shake his head in disbelief. None of this surprised him at all.
“I must say that out of all the potential outcomes this could’ve had, that’s one that wasn’t exactly on the bottom of my list of things I saw coming” He said while still shaking his head at the absurdity of the whole situation.
The Bonecrusher nodded in compliance. “Something crazy like that always seems to happen when Tron is around” she added.
“Seriously” He said. “You should bring him around more often so we can continue to have all sorts of fun stories.”
From around the corner came a familiar voice. “I wanna hear a fun story” He and The Bonecrusher heard as The Teds entered the room to grace them with their presence.
“Did you tell The Teds?” He asked.
“Not yet” said The Bonecrusher as she finished up her lunch. “So tell me this kind of shit would happen to anyone else but me.”
The Teds just looked at Him with that sort of “Oh boy, this should be good” look before The Bonecrusher commenced with her story.
“So I was dog-sitting on Saturday. I was at Geraldo’s house watching Weezy. And I figured I would bring Tron since I would be there for a little while. Geraldo was cool with having him there to keep me company. So, after a little while, we decide to go to Bubbakoo’s to get an epic feast of a meal to bring back to the house. So we’re looking around and we can’t find a single utensil in the entire God damn house. I mean, we looked in every drawer in the kitchen. So finally, we find a spoon. One spoon. He let me have it. Which was very nice of him. Finally, when Geraldo comes home, I ask him where all of his utensils are. And he leads me to a drawer in the kitchen that I guess we just didn’t open all the way, thinking it was a junk drawer. He pulls it out and there they all are. Just staring me in the face.”
“Were they laughing at you for being a dunce?” He asked. The Teds couldn’t help but just laugh at the whole ordeal.
The Bonecrusher just shook her head. “I’m telling you man, it’s because of Tron. I always wind up with a funny story when Tron is involved.”
“I don’t think these things are necessarily all Tron’s fault” He said as WB walked into the room. “But it is funny that Tron is usually involved with your follies.” WB just shook his head, having heard this story already.
“I think WB would like Tron” said The Bonecrusher.
“Maybe Tron can help me with my team” He said as The Teds again couldn’t help but laugh while reveling in their impending victory over His “This Guy” squad in the ConVicks fantasy football league. The Teds held a 47.92-point advantage over This Guy going into the upcoming Monday Night Football tilt between Denver and Oakland.
“All I have to say is Thank God for Antonio Brown” said The Teds, who were looking to pick up where they left off in 2012 where an 11-3 regular season campaign led to an unfortunate loss in the first round of the playoffs as The Curse of the #1 seed continued.
“At least there’s a tiny chance that Demaryius Thomas puts up 50 points and Welker gets you nothing” He said with a kind of half-hearted hope. “The problem is I need Julius, Decker, and Knowshon to all have big games too in various leagues. At least this is a week where all of those guys can feasibly do that against the Oakland Middle School Raiders. And Brown did put up over 40 points against an elite defense. So imagine what Demaryius is capable of.”
“I already won my game this week” said The Bonecrusher. Her first season of running a fantasy football team has led to an impending 2-1 start and, with neither team having any players remaining, a victory over the reigning league champion JB, brother of WB, and his “Silver Bullets.”
“I’m aware” He said with an exasperated sigh. “When it comes to this league, I swear I’m cursed. I can’t go into this week with the same team name. I haven’t won a single game since I said out loud that I planned on changing it. It was right before Week 13 last season. I’m 0-5 in this league since then.”
“You really believe in fantasy football curses don’t you?” inquired The Bonecrusher almost in disbelief that such a thing could exist.
“I absolutely do” He said with conviction. “1,000%. The Teds know all about The Curse of the #1 seed.” The Teds sighed disapprovingly.
“What’s that?” asked The Bonecrusher.
“The first year we did this league, a certain individual who shall not be named finished the regular season with a record of 12-1-1” He informed the fantasy n00b. “He went on to lose in the first round of the playoffs by 57 points. To this day, no team that has entered the playoffs as the #1 seed has ever won it all. And since he's now an actual convict, I don't think that curse is ever gonna be broken.”
“Have you ever been the #1 seed?” The Bonecrusher asked.
“Yup, two years ago” He replied. “I won my last regular season game to take the #1 seed and lost in the championship game by 10 points. And I lost to a guy I beat twice in the regular season, including that last game in Week 14 which determined which of us was going to get the top seed in the playoffs.”
“So what you’re saying is you should’ve tanked Week 14 to avoid getting the #1 seed” said The Teds as WB continued to plug away at his computer.
“I couldn’t bring myself to do it, but the thought did cross my mind” He said.” The name change thing isn’t necessarily a curse, at least I didn't think so until this season, but I feel that ‘This Guy’ has run its course and I need a fresh start. It was a good run and it got me to a championship game, but it’s time to move on. I just have to think of a new name first.”
“Not only that” added The Teds. “But every time one of us offers any sort of assistance to a first time player, they always finish higher than we do in the final standings.”
“And in more than one case, they’ve wound up winning the league” He added.
The Bonecrusher was pleased to hear this news as she was offered some assistance on draft night by both Him and The Teds. “Looks like this is the year to… BustaKaep… get it?... Because that’s my team name?”
“I see what you did there” He said as he shook his head and shrugged off his sister’s lame attempt at a joke “You also gave me an idea for a potential team name change if Google Images can find me a good enough picture to be able to go with it.”
“What’s that?” asked The Bonecrusher.
“Burrito Spoon” He replied. “Or Spoon Burrito. But since I’d have to decide which one flows off the tongue better, I may be forced to go in another direction with this.”
_________________________________________________________________________________
She began brushing her teeth. She was getting ready for another day of commuting into the city for work. He was getting ready for another day of commuting to his desk job.
He couldn’t help but smile, even though he felt a tiny bit guilty. Perhaps his superstitious ways were the reason She tasted defeat for the first time this season between her three fantasy leagues.
She’s come a long way since He, out of the goodness of his heart, kept Her from drafting a kicker in the fifth round of her very first fantasy draft just four short years ago. As he AIM messaged the draft results to her, she accused him of wanting to hoard Stephen Gostkowski for himself. He promised Her that nobody would take a kicker for at least another five rounds. Luckily for Him no one grabbed Gostkowski by Round 10 and, while the draftees in attendance still remarked about how she was the first one to take a kicker, He saved Her a little embarrassment along the way.
Keeping up with His string of current curses, She finished one game ahead of him in the regular season final standings that year.
He had a plan to stop the bleeding a little bit after a less than stellar Week 3 across His seven leagues. And, unbelievably, it actually worked.
He had a plan to stop the bleeding a little bit after a less than stellar Week 3 across His seven leagues. And, unbelievably, it actually worked.
He knew that he wasn’t getting the 50 points he needed from Demaryius Thomas in the ConVicks league. He also knew that, even if DT put up more than the 19.40 points that he managed, his chances of winning took a severe hit when Jermichael Finley and Hakeem Nicks proceeded to put up a combined zero points. Still, He wasn’t overly concerned because they both had good matchups. Who knew Finley would get concussed in the first quarter or that the Giants wouldn’t be competent enough on offense to be able to even attempt to take advantage of the myriad of injuries in Carolina’s secondary?
Fortunately, He got good enough games from Eric Decker, Julius Thomas, and Knowshon Moreno to atone for that tough ConVicks league loss. Julius and Decker put up enough points to turn his 5.42-point lead over his opponent in League #7, who was playing Demaryius, into a 25.62-point win. Unfortunately, due to League #7’s unique setup, He went 1-1 on the week. But at least he won his head to head matchup.
And in the CCFFL, He just needed Decker to put up a good enough performance to keep him within striking distance of first place. He knew that the six combined points he got from Carson Palmer and CJ Spiller were going to most likely knock him out of the top spot in a league that’s decided by total points. This league also has head-to-head matchups and while He lost his first one of the season to the reigning league champions in Dos W’s, He still got enough points out of Decker to remain a measly five points out of first place.
Of course, She wasn’t too thrilled that Decker finally had a big game as 9.90 points was all her opponent needed to send her to the loss column for the first time all season in the ConVicks league and knock her from first place all the way down to second.
As He tucked his lucky Hakeem Nicks jersey deeper into his bookbag, the same one that he’s failed to be able to locate before all three of his beloved NY Giants’ losses this season, the same one She bought him for Christmas before the Giants made a phenomenal postseason run to win their second Super Bowl under the Coughlin Administration, the same one that he brought to her house to see if the good luck would carry over from the real football world into the fake football world, He couldn’t help but smile.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
More to come shortly...
_________________________________________________________________________________
<Photo Credit: cheezburger.com>
No comments:
Post a Comment