“Really, I insist. This ‘having a
crappy fantasy season’ trend of yours? Keep it going” She said with a smile as
she made her way downstairs.
“I’m doing well in my two biggest
money leagues” He replied as he shoved his laptop into his bag.
“But I’m not in either of those”
She replied. “All I know is we’re in three leagues together and you’re 0-4 in
two of them.”
He had no response. Even if he
did, it would have to wait. While he knew he had a chance to turn his two 0-4
starts into salvageable seasons, any such proclamations would surely be met
with a response ranging from a snicker to full blown laughter to a ‘you’re so
cute when you think you have a chance’ type of phrase.
“I can’t
believe I’m going 0-3 this week” She said as she came back upstairs with her
trusty morning coffee.
“Poor you”
He replied with a hint of sarcasm. “Mind telling me how it feels to have two
wins? I’m not familiar.”
“Well, I
already have two wins over you this year so it feels pretty good” She retorted
with another one of those ‘you have no response’ smiles.
Again, He
had nothing. He decided to let the play of his fake football squads speak the
loudest in the end, knowing that he still needed to do his part and do what he
had to do to change his fortunes so that he could at least have a chance to
contend.
What that
was, He wasn’t sure. He knew the answer was out there somewhere. He just had to
find it before it was too late.
In the never-ending quest for fake
sporting dominance, He knew how important it was to grab every conceivable advantage
that he could. He also knew that it was of the utmost importance to rid himself
of any sort of bad karma that could be causing him any sort of ill-fated
misery. At least that’s what his superstitious subconscious was telling him.
As he began to go through all the
clothes that had been in storage over the past few months, He began to try and
piece together the story of his fake football journey to this point in the
season.
Having played 24 games in three
weeks across seven leagues, He found himself bringing a 12-12 overall record into Week 4.
Entering the Monday night game
between Miami and New Orleans, He was already guaranteed three losses, was
ahead in three additional matchups by a healthy margin, and was once again
entering a scenario in League #7 where the Monday night game would determine
whether he went 1-1 or 0-2 that week.
Behind the league average for the
fourth straight week with no realistic chance of matching it, he would need to
rely on Pierre Thomas and the Saints defense to nurse his 9.84-point lead
against Darren Sproles and Charles Clay and lead him to a head-to-head victory
in what would be that week’s lowest scoring match-up.
And at 2-4, going 0-2 with the
week’s lowest score would send him to a point of almost no return in the league
standings.
Yet again, He left enough points across
his seven league benches to fill out a starting lineup that would likely have given
him an 8-0 record for the week. This has always been his biggest problem and one
that doesn’t seem to want to go away any time soon.
It only directly cost him a
victory in one match-up but that decision to not start Alshon Jeffery, who he had
just grabbed off waivers the previous week and never planned on starting in Week
4, had helped contribute to a loss against Geraldo in the ConVicks league and a
subsequent 0-4 start. Had he done a few things differently, he also could’ve
potentially avoided starting 0-4 in the Kirby’s All Stars league. At the very
least, he could’ve scored more than the measly 73 points his squad put up.
At least The Lawyer tallied the
highest weekly score for the Ballbusters league. And at least no lineup combinations He
could’ve conjured up would’ve kept The Sizzlers from losing their first game of
the season. Still, this only made him feel a tiny bit better about the 28 points he
left on the bench at the running back position alone.
The questions began to race
through his mind:
“When do I start the fire sale on
my underperforming players?”
“What could I have done
differently to avoid the unfavorable situations I find myself in and why couldn’t
I think of it before the season started?”
“Do I have enough information to
make the correct decisions that will turn my struggling teams around and keep
my good teams on top of their standings?”
“Did my lucky Hakeem Nicks jersey
not bring me fake football success because the luck doesn’t really transfer to
fake football or because I didn’t actually bring it into Geraldo’s house when I
went there yesterday for the Giants game and my first actual live fantasy
hockey draft?”
“Whose shirt is this and where
the hell did it come from?”
As he pulled the all-too-familiar
looking dress shirt out of the bag it had been inhabiting for the better part
of “God knows how long,” he had a brief moment of potential revelation.
This was the shirt that belonged
to one of the original team owners in the ConVicks league. This individual had
recently been arrested. So He decided before the season that he was going to locate
this shirt, which he knew he still had somewhere in his possession, and award
it to the individual who came in last place in the league as a token of shame.
Not wanting the potentially
cursed last place “trophy” to reside in his possession any longer, he took a
quick walk across the plantation to Club X. He quickly located the back room
where the ConVicks league draft was held and put the shirt in a safe place
where it wouldn’t be disturbed until it was time to award it to the last place
team.
Any
advantage He could take, whether or not it was created purely out of
superstition, would be welcomed with open arms. And come to think of it, He
knew he could think of a better fantasy team name than PB Jamwich.
<More
to come shortly>
<http://nikkishell.typepad.com>
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